I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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