She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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