i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
