i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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