Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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