I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
