I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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