she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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