Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
