Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize