it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
