I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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