please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
