he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize