Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
