Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
