Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize