my being single is dangerous.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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