so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
