very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
