pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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