He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
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