In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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