I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Please don't give away my fajitas
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
