party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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