He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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