I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
