I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
