I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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