in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
