I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
