There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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