Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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