god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
