i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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