he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
nutella sex= disaster
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize