Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
