im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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