i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Can I color on your dick again?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
