the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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