i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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