cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
