we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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