Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
