Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
