can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
