I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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