After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
