so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize