A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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