He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
