kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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