I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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