i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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