It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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