I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
