I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
