i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize