I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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