By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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