it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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