Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
