The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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