I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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