so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
