Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
