Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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