I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
